As a chronic heart patient with HOCM and A-Fib, I consume
many prescription drugs to control (or at least manage) my condition. These range from medications that maintain my
heart’s rhythm and pulse rate to ones that reduce fluids in my system. I even take Warfarin, a blood thinner, to keep
my blood from clotting too easily. This
requires regular weekly/bi-weekly tests to measure the INR level, which refers
to the average time it requires for my blood to clot. While on Warfarin, a patient may be more
prone to bruising and bleeding. In
short, much of life these days revolves around blood.
At the
same time, my partner and I have become fans of the terrific UK series, Being Human. Although the premise sounds like a bad joke (“A
vampire, a werewolf, and a ghost walk into a bar . . . “), it is beautifully
written, wonderfully atmospheric, and exquisitely played (especially by Aidan “Poldark”
Turner and Russell Tovey). It is our
current streaming programme du jour
in an age of binge watching. (It looks
at many issues similar to those of HBO’s late, lamented True Blood, but it does this in a different, less epic, more
personal style.)
This
leads me to many interesting questions. Given
my personal situation, would I be welcomed by vampires or would I repulse
them? Would my blood taste good to them
or would it taste like skim milk? Soy
milk? Diet Coke? Would it provide them nutrients they need or
would it give them the runs? Would they
be able to tell before they sank
their fangs in or would it be an unpleasant surprise? Conversely, would I be a tangy treat? Would Nosferatu
have a nose for that kind of thing?
I wish I
knew some vampires like the sympathetic ones on TV these days. I could sit and ask them these questions and
they would not only answer but appreciate the interest and concern. You never felt you would have caring,
nurturing verbal intercourse with Bela Lugosi.
These are vampires for the new millennium.
On the
other hand, this line of thought also leads to other questions about things
actually on the books. For example, in
this age of gay marriage, are gay men still prohibited in many states from
giving blood? If you are on all kinds of
medication, as I am, does this rule out donation or transfusion? This curiosity even bleeds over (!) into the
issue of organ donation—would anyone be able to use my now-tainted viands? Would my eyes or my kidneys still be
viable? (I already suspect my oversized
heart and asthmatic lungs are not worth much—except perhaps in the
scratch-and-dent aisle.)
It seems
odd. I shouldn’t feel badly that I’m
unappetizing for vampires, yet it’s also disconcerting somehow, this
marginalization. What’s troublesome is
the sense of limited opportunities, that I’m not good enough for the
undead. I may from time to time bemoan
this—until, like Cher slapping Nicholas Cage, I “snap out of it.” I will have to make my contributions to the world
(and the netherworld) in other, more tangible and inspirational ways. I guess others will just have to chow down on
my thoughts.
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